


Shades of Gray

by lawrencetheshark



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Developing Relationship, M/M, colorblind!Karkat, i made up a few things, there isn't a whole lot of canon in here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-24
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2017-12-30 07:53:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1016040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lawrencetheshark/pseuds/lawrencetheshark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Karkat is colorblind and Equius finds this pitiable.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shades of Gray

**Author's Note:**

> I just kind of started thinking, yo, karkat's shirt and text are gray because he's trying to hide his caste, but what if that was how he really saw his blood? and what if...equius, being so into the hemospectrum, pitied him because he couldn't experience the majesty of it...?  
> Basically I just needed an excuse.

Everyone was always curious about his blood. They always assumed he kept it secret because he never spoke about it. Karkat, however, was frightened by the fact that the others spoke of their blood so freely when they did. His lusus had always told him, “Karkat, you must never show your blood to anyone, never speak of it, never make it known. It is a matter of your personal safety that you make this promise to me.”

And so Karkat did just that. His blood color was a secret to everyone—including himself. He didn’t know he could be killed for the color; he didn’t even know his color was so different from anyone else’s. He didn’t quite understand the hemospectrum he’d always heard about, and this was because Karkat was a mutant in more ways than just caste: he was completely colorblind. Every blood color was a different shade of gray to Karkat and so he had no idea that his color was detestable.

Growing up, nobody knew that Karkat was colorblind. Karkat didn't even know that; he never knew color, and his lusus never knew how to explain it to him. Each of his friends made fun of him for hiding his caste at one point or another.

There were a few that were rather mean about it. Highbloods, mostly, and Karkat never understood why it was so fucking important for them to know his caste. He grew up bitter about his blood, bitter about being talked down to, and so, when he finally met all of his friends through a video game, he assumed his place as the leader and never let anyone forget his importance.

After the game was over, however…he was back to being nothing again. Sure, they all stayed rather close—they had to after everything that fucking game put them through—but things were never the same.

Equius was the first one to notice something off about the loudmouthed troll. It took sweeps and several trips to hell and back, but he noticed. By that time everybody pretty much knew Karkat’s blood color and was completely aware of his mutant status. Karkat, however, continuously denied it. Violently. He would never accept the fact that he was any different from any of them just because his blood was a few shades different. And besides, he’d argue, all the rest of them had different shades of blood, too, so why did it matter that he was different?

For whatever reason, Equius found it odd that he said “shades” instead of “castes.” He realized suddenly that he couldn't remember a time when he’d used the word caste or color, always “shade.” That, coupled with the gray he used for his text color and the insignia on his shirt, made Equius suspect. It was extremely rare in trolls—in fact, it was almost unheard of, but it seemed to be common in limebloods before they were eradicated, which may have contributed to their excellence as moirails, and considering Karkat’s suspected rightful place on the hemospectrum that he mutated from…it must be so. Colorblind.

The very next time Equius saw his short friend, he felt an overwhelming sense of pity for him. How any creature could grow up without knowing the vibrant colors of Alternia, the royalty in the caste of the Empress, even the richness of the color in his own cursed veins…he truly thought that if he had to go through that he might die, if he didn't go insane first.

“What do you want, you great buffoon?” Karkat snapped bitterly, breaking Equius from his thoughts. The larger troll hated the pity he felt, and yet…he didn't really. Equius suddenly understood everything; or at least, more than he had before. He understood why Karkat wasn't as submissive as he was supposed to be for his caste. He understood that it really shouldn't be an issue, especially since he was dealing with someone who didn't understand the hierarchy.

Equius cleared his throat. “Learn your place,” he said softly instead, turning and shuffling away. He had a great deal to think about.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is minor angst and not much makes sense

Karkat watched the larger troll go with a sinking heart and a gaping mouth. Equius had not spoken down to him like that in a long time. In fact, he could hardly remember the last time either of them said a single word to each other. Recalling that fact set Karkat’s teeth on edge.

“Beastly sack of musclebeast dung,” he snorted, face scrunching into his ever-present scowl. “Learn your place, he says. If there’s anyone who ought to be learning his place, it’s that sweaty mongrel for sure…”

Karkat had never “admired” the man, but he did feel a certain something for him. He was so strong and he was always trying his hardest to be gentle and helpful to those who needed it, no matter their caste. Karkat couldn’t imagine what that must be like, the constant restraint for the sake of most trolls. It had to be absolutely maddening.

Karkat had all but come to terms with the fact that he felt a good deal of pity for the brutish troll despite how platonically mean he was. There was no use denying it. His mouthful of jagged and broken teeth, the strength he could never repress enough, the all-important hemospectrum he put so much faith in all but ruined once the game ended, his inability to be physical with most of the others (excluding his moirail of course), the constant rejection by trolls he’d like to fill quadrants with…it was almost too much.

Seeking Equius out was the last thing he wanted to do. The beastly troll would likely spit in his face. Well, probably not, seeing as his manners wouldn’t allow him to be so rude, even to someone “as low on the spectrum as you, Karkat.” And yet, with his previous unrequited feelings for Terezi weighing on his memory, he knew he had to tell Equius whether he’d get hurt or not. And so he followed in the direction Equius had previously retreated.

* * *

 

Meanwhile, Equius practically smashed his way into his respiteblock, hands shaking and sweat pouring down his skin in unusual amounts. His heart, or whatever it was he had that was similar to such a muscle, was racing at the speed of the fastest musclebeast. He hadn’t expected to run into Karkat, especially had not wished to think those sorts of things, and was exasperated that he could not think of anything to say that would have been discreet enough to not give him hints, but polite enough that Karkat didn’t feel like…less.

Of course, Karkat was less, there was no doubt about it. His cursed and mutant blood, derivative of the most absurd caste in the entire spectrum, proved such a thing to be fact. Despite this, Equius found that he felt no desire to murder, separate, isolate, or even so much as insult the poor, pitiful, colorblind troll as he would have one time long ago. “Such a STRONG disregard of my former duty,” he mumbled to himself, “which at one time was all I cared for, must be indicative of my true feelings for that angry thing.”

All of Nepeta’s lectures regarding quadrants spun around in his head. Was it really wrong to pity a mutantblooded troll? Did quadrants override duty? But then…did any of that really matter? After all, the game had destroyed Alternia and all the laws of the planet. This new world had…well, none. The hemospectrum didn’t even matter anymore, did it? Equius figured that, logically, he shouldn’t really be paying so much attention to blood color anymore. After all it had been proven that caste did not actually matter in quadrants, considering his successful moiraillegience with the oliveblood Nepeta.

Too many thoughts ran into each other inside Equius’ think pan, causing it to throb in an unpleasant way. He needed to tinker, needed to work with his metal and gather his thoughts. The machines would distract him enough to unblock his thoughts. The robots would…

He froze as a small knock sounded at the door Equius rested against.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey wow I updated this crappy fic  
> I was so inspired at the beginning of it all *shakes fists*  
> hopefully itll only be like one or two more chapters full of sappy confessing stuff and figuring out how these two assholes are gonna have a relationship and also therell be sex in one of em

The door was opened, revealing a face that was drawn tight with thought and with eyebrows knitted together. “Enter,” the tall troll sighed. Karkat entered, mildly confused by this strange behavior.

 

“Do you mind telling me what the fuck is wrong with you lately?” he snapped softly as soon as the door was shut. “You’ve been acting like more of an ass than usual and I want to know why.”

 

Equius didn’t say a word, didn’t even look at the shorter troll. “Karkat,” he sighed, “what colors do you see in this room?”

 

Karkat couldn’t answer right away; though he opened his mouth to speak, nothing came out, and he looked around the room, down at the floor, away from Equius. “Um. There’s…gray—”

 

“Color,” Equius snapped.

 

Karkat jumped at the taller troll’s abrupt bark, though he could only glare at the wall. “I don’t see any color,” he snapped back. “I don’t even know what color is. I see gray, that’s it. Didn’t fucking know there _was_ anything else til you motherfuckers started talking about all these weird shades as if they were different when all I knew was that they were close to the same shade of fucking gray.”

 

The confirmation of Equius’ theory left a weird feeling in his gut, but it certainly explained a lot about the boy. It also sort of made him feel a little bad about trying to tell Karkat where his place in society was, seeing as these placements meant nothing to a troll who couldn’t even see the divide between blood.

 

“Can we get back to my question now, you sorry sack of perspiration?” Karkat’s irritated voice and piercing red eyes brought Equius’ concentration back to the messy-haired troll.

 

Equius grimaced. “I’ll thank you to cease with these insults, lowblood,” he said. “You may not be able to see it but in the social standing of our world, you are a mutant and therefore the lowest on the spectrum. I am far higher than you and you should treat me with respect.” With that he turned back towards his machines on the floor.

 

“That’s bullshit, Zahhak,” Karkat yelled. “You haven’t done a damn thing to earn my respect except maybe be a damn good moirail to Nepeta, which means I guess I can’t really hate you, but you’re a fucking _moron_ if you think I’m going to respect you just because you _demand_ it. I thought we went over this in the game. Besides, I thought we’d decided that this so-called ‘hemospectrum’ was void because Alternia’s fucking gone now.”

 

The mutant was right, and Equius knew it. He also knew that he’d fucked up again; he hadn’t really meant to be so crass. He knew he owed Karkat an apology, but he also knew it was something Karkat would hold to him for a very long time.

 

“At least tell me the reason you hate me so I can get my sorry ass out of here,” Karkat hissed, his voice hinting defeat.

 

Equius turned abruptly to look at the other troll. After a moment of thinking, he walked back over and closed the door to his respiteblock. He then stood in front of Karkat, perspiring quite a bit, blood-pusher pounding. “I don’t hate you, Vantas,” he said, voice low. “In fact, I find that I very much pity you, and strongly wish for you to occupy my flushed quadrant, and I to occupy yours.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh gosh uhh  
> okay so if this chapter doesnt make much sense please please please let me know i am too tired to reread it right now, and it took a turn that even i did not expect, i did not expect karkat to react the way he did, just...if you need anything clarified please ask and ill answer and also edit the chapter to reflect my answer.  
> enjoy

The words hit Karkat like a ton of bricks. His chest squeezed and his breath halted. On the one hand his brain flirted with the idea, while on the other, it screeched to a halt, yelling that no, this was impossible, Equius had to be joking as he had never shown the barest hint of even caring for you, much less wishing to be in a _quadrant_.

 

Had this been a normal situation, the screeching, chaotic side of things in Karkat’s thinkpan would translate into his speech. But this was not a normal situation and as for speech, Karkat had none. None, that is, except for one tiny, quiet word that was able to just barely squeak past his lips: “You.”

 

This one small, breathy word was both accusatory and inquisitive, represented both relief and uncertainty, and had a mind of its own, sound waves bouncing off the walls and ricocheting about at lightning speed, lessening only minutely each time it hit a new surface. Karkat wouldn’t go so far as to say that he had been dreaming of this day for the longest time; he wouldn’t even say he’d dreamed of it at all. In fact, each time the thought tap danced into his brain, he chased it away, closing the metaphorical curtains on the mind stage. Equius Zahhak could not feel things towards Karkat Vantas, and that seemed like an unwritten law of the universe. Yet here they stood, Equius standing tall as if nothing had happened at all, and Karkat slightly hunched, eyes bugging from his head, unable to close his mouth completely in shock.

 

“Yes, Karkat,” Equius finally affirmed. “I am flushed for you. And your stance on the hemospectrum, your status as a member of Alternian society, makes you untouchable. At least, it did when we were actually _on_ Alternia. I suppose you are correct in stating that it does not matter now and we should all attempt to live as equals.” Equius uncrossed his arms and strode past Karkat to the other side of the room. “But it is proven with the history of other worlds that growing up harshly structured and with a strong regard for the duty to uphold that structure does not go away very easily. And so I am conflicted. And so I am crude. And so I am…I am sorry.”

 

The words sort of floated by Karkat’s ears as the blood pounded in them. He kept his eyes locked on the taller troll as he moved about the room, but his expression turned to one that said less “surprise” and more “what the actual fuck just happened.”

 

“Well I’m glad you’re fucking sorry,” Karkat was finally able to snort. This caused Equius to whip around and look at him in surprise. The shorter troll straightened his back and folded his arms over his chest. “Look, fucker, you can’t just drop a bomb on my like that and not fucking expect some discussion out of it. Especially since the shitlard you are conveniently slipped that into a conversation that basically started with you chopping down my self esteem tree. What the fuck is wrong with you? Did you think your telling me that would shut me up or make me disappear or some shit? Did you think that I’m stupid enough to believe that you’re going to turn around your asinine way of thinking just because of me? That your self-contradicting statements are helping your case? No way, and I don’t need your fucking pity, I don’t need your lame-ass dangling of quadrants in my fucking face to drive me away, I’ll just fucking go, and not bother you again! Will that make you happy, your _highness_?”

 

The last word was filled with venom and Karkat stomped out of the room, swinging the door open and shut rather violently, an action which shook the four walls and moved Equius’ hair ever so slightly. Now it was the blueblood’s turn to wonder what had just happened. Did Karkat not believe him? That must be the case, and Equius’ insults, no matter how close they would have been to the truth on Alternia, really must have hurt to a boy who never understood and could never understand.

 

It made Equius question, not for the first time, if the hemospectrum was even worth it.

 

Equius decided that, once Karkat had some time to cool off, he would follow. There was no letting this go now—he had to make the mutant believe him.

**Author's Note:**

> hhhhh where is this going. it's going somewhere i guess, somewhere that involves sex, but how will we get there...? nobody knows


End file.
